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Written by Dr. Swank
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Tuesday, 11 August 2009 |
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Not unlike Blazing Saddles before it, Sombreros is a game that broke new ground in offensive humor…only nobody paid attention. Sombreros, according to the elusive Action 52 manual, tells the tale of a sheriff who is out to recover some stolen sombreros from some “Chivatos”. Looking that particular word up in the only free translator I can find shows that the word means "informer". So apparently you’re the sheriff of some place called Squealsville, a town full of tattle tales and apparently really fucking dumb criminals.
You see, the stolen merchandise isn’t stashed in some warehouse, nor did each Chivato get a sombrero to call his very own as a door prize at the hideout's ice cream social. You’ll find the stolen sombreros littering the road in front of you, strewn around the desert, or just stuck in walls or bushes. The Chivato leader better be god damn Robin Hood in this case.
Sombreros plays out like a poor man’s Gun.Smoke. You’ve got your sheriff with trusty pistol that can only shoot in four directions. You're also treated to the same five-second loop of music as you play through the four levels of brown and yellow the game has to offer. Chivatos are also apparently half ghosts since the can walk through walls and on water. Hey wait a moment! Mexican thieves? Crossing water? Walls? I call foul, Action 52!
The first of the game’s stages has your genius Sheriff walking down the middle of the street. Apparently, Squealsville will build walls, but not sidewalks. Lucky for you, the Chivatos are stuck behind walls of their own that they can't seem to float through. Cars will randomly come barreling towards you, but one gunshot will take them out unless you’ve collected a few sombreros, then you’re badder than Hancock. Stage two puts you in a desert where the sombreros inexplicably turn into old woman gardening hats…or crashed UFOs depending on how you want to look at them. Stage three combines the best of the first two stages – the brown of stage 2 and the houses of stage 1 to accurately create what the city of Las Vegas looks like beyond the strip, only there are chunks of street in the damndest of places. As is the case with just about every other Action 52 game, the game will send your sorry ass back to level one after walking into just the right spot at the end of the level, or else the game will just sit there. Much like a lazy Texas Sheriff setting a speed trap. Viva los Chivatos!
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