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Let me set the record straight right now, I’ve never really “gotten” porn games. Seriously, why do you need to play, kill, and solve puzzles to earn your wank when you can just get on the internets and snap a few off and just bypass the hassle? It just doesn’t make any sense to me, especially considering that pretty much all “adults only” games are fucking garbage anyways. Oh hey, speaking of garbage, here’s a game I dug up from the briny bottom of the porn game barrel called Immoral Cumbat. That’s what we call a “Segway” in the “biz”.
I’ve only covered one other game posing as a wankfest already, but this one takes the trophy. I’m totally serious, turn away now if you’re sensitive to any of the following scenarios: genital mutilation, scat (or any kind of shit fetish for that matter), eye fucking, insane cock art, spunk, skeet, or the herps. Compared to this game, 7 Sins looks like fucking Bambi.
Immoral Cumbat calls itself the world’s first “3D virtual erotica” game. What I can tell you is the word “erotica” is totally out of place since that word usually falls into the same sentence as “arousal” or “hot lesbian action”. Erotica it is not, since it only turns out to be shameless Wolfenstein 3D clone with cocks…lots and lots of cocks. What makes things worse is that the designer, CoreSoft himself, seems to have some fucked up issues with women and Immoral Cumbat is his virtual “hate sex” towards the entire species. Trust me, you’ll see why.
Brought to you in living black and gray monochrome, Immoral Cumbat literally cock-slaps you in the face with six levels of the most insane shit you’ve ever seen in a game. Let’s bring out the game developer insanity checklist:
Singing testicle – Check!
Disembodied herpes asses – Check!
Lactating turret cannons – Check!
A level consisting entirely of invisible walls – Check!
Skull fucking? Eye Coitus – Check!
Scat fetish overtones – Check!
If this were an infomercial for porn games that smell like the cheap rubber and plastic, this is the point where I’d exclaim “and that’s JUST the beginning!” Unfortunately for Immoral Cumbat, its end boss is severely disappointing. I would have expected some sort of tenta-vag-herpies monster that oozed spunk from its orifices in some sort of spread fire pattern. Instead, it looks like a giant, naked Furby with tubas sticking out of its head…awwww. It would be one thing for this game to give you insane imagery as you fight from one room to the next, but Immoral Cumbat is crazy hard and crazy boring at the same time. The enemies are completely unbalanced and can easily overpower you if you’re going up against two at a time. By level four, your fight for survival turns into a hopeless fight against your own bearings as you wander aimlessly, looking for that door or invisible wall you missed. It doesn’t help that almost every room looks the same either. It’s almost like a pornographic hall of mirrors – right out of your nightmares! Lucky for you, there’s a mini-map available to help you as you stumble through corridors so dark your eyes will want to jump out of your head. Oftentimes you’ll find yourself with the map up constantly as you watch your little green dot move from room to room trying to find your way out of this poo stained hell. After the novelty wears off and you’ve seen everything the game has to offer, it’s just a mad run for the end of each level just to say you’ve done it and you can go on with life feeling just as unfulfilled as when you began your sad conquest.
Your default weapon is your own man chowder, which you fling at baddies with reckless abandon. There are some other weapons like a dildo rocket, fart beans, or throwing someone else’s poo…but you’ll barely see them until the last couple of levels, that is, if you’re unfortunate enough to get there. The game is about impossible to play, let alone beat. Wait, should that have been about impossible to foreplay, let alone beat off? Ahhhh lame attempts at humor don’t let me down. I’m not complaining that you can only save at the beginning of each level either. You’re guaranteed to die in a puddle of your own (or someone else’s) custard by the second room. You can get health from porn mags, armor by wearing condoms, and cured of any type of skank disease by paying at random dispensers you’ll come across from money picked up from spent baddies. There’s also some mushroom invincibility that will actually bring color into the game by tie-dying everything around you making it almost impossible to find your way around or kill anything coming at you. If you’re wondering where all of the erotica is to be found, there’s good news for you. The game will throw you a bone here and there with XXX arcades placed in hidden and sometimes hard-to-reach places where you’ll get to watch about three seconds of surreal before it’s done.
Really…three seconds of some stupid looking (non-FMV) video clip. Sure, you’ll get some conventional sex here and there, but mostly you’ll be met with a dick getting electrocuted by a wall socket using a fish hook, or endless piles of shit spewing from a maniacally laughing ass. Here’s to hoping those fools in 1995 enjoyed actually paying for this morsel of masturbatory wonder!
If anything from Immoral Cumbat is museum worthy, it would fall on the level design. There’s the level full of invisible walls that will have you running around aimlessly until you give up or die in the “constant damage” room, and a level full of teleporters that you can’t find. Imagine wall-to-wall boobs, eyes staring at you from everywhere, dripping spunk, ceilings that drop shit mines, used condoms gently flowing in the breeze, and shit fountains spewing endlessly into a woman’s mouth. Yes, it’s Cyberdillo if it were marketed towards 300lb aging fat guys in stained wife beaters with six years of hair growth on their faces.
Once you get to the end of the game, you’re treated to the mother of all XXX arcades where you can watch every shit-rendered movie in the game and, for laughs, an “art gallery” before being rewarded with a code for god mode as your proverbial blue ribbon. As if you would even want to play through this steaming pile again at that point.
Sadly, Immoral Cumbat seems to have been forgotten; trodden down by its Wolf-cloned brethren. It’s hard to say how well this thing actually sold. Coresoft says on their exit screen that your money has gone toward the creation of even more warped games, but alas, Coresoft never returned. It can easily be considered the most confused of its adult game cohorts. If anything, it’s a trip to the surreal; as if you were riding in a bus that smelled like a mixture of cleaning solution and bodily fluids as you cruise down a road riddled with pot holes during and it’s raining a semi-white liquid the whole time. If you take anything from this article, it should be the appreciation that you didn’t have to play it.
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Since 2007, Gamescrap has brought you the the worst video games, game commercials, game merchandise, and gaming moments ever to grace the industry. No matter if it's a beloved classic or the next hot thing, no bad game is safe from the horrors of the Gamescrap heap.