Just when I thought I put last’s year’s Ten Worst Xbox Live Community Indie games behind me, I get an email from Triple A Studios himself saying that Swords and Monsters has been expanded to eight stories! Needless to say, I jumped at the chance for a redeem code to get the full version of the game so I can bring the savings to you!
If you don’t remember Swords and Monsters, allow me to fill you in. S&M is a menu. S&M is a RPG. It’s a menu moonlighting as an RPG. The trial easily spoiled the full version of the game since you could plow through each story in three seconds flat. That’s not saying much since all you have to do is press the A button three times as fast as you can and BAM, you’ve rescued yourself a princess or a knight. The only thing that lasted longer than the game itself was the buyer’s remorse from the $2.50 you could have spent on a souped up bean burrito at Taco Bell or a much grander adventure courtesy of an old choose your own adventure novel from the 80’s at a used book store.
Now out of left field comes Swords and Monsters…version twwoooooo! Same great menus, same feeling of contempt for yourself and the world outside, but now EIGHT stories to further prolong your regret. It’s this kind of “Hello World, I made a working game and now I’m going to sell it to you” mentality that warrants S&M another look and its own place on this here site.
The layout is the same as before, only now you have the option to go with the classic three stories, or the new expanded, ultra advanced set of eight. The same strategy is here: take your fully customizable (read: male/female) character through each quest to save the knight/princess. Press A to talk to the king. Press A to kill the dragon. Press A to save your predetermined soul mate. Well, that last part would work if half of the menus didn’t skip right to the ending before you can choose the last option. The end result is skipping the thrilling climax and ending up back at the main menu pondering if it’s even worth three more seconds to find out what the hell you just missed.
What else is there? Well, that’s it really. Five minutes and you’re done – and that’s if you take your time about it. Honestly, the powers that be at Triple A Studios are good sports about it and criticism is taken with a smile. That’s not to say Swords and Monsters isn’t bad…it’s wallet rape of the highest kind. You’d be better off sending your money to TV preachers selling miracle spring water for more peace of mind. Here’s to hoping they’ll move on from this mess and actually make something a little more “interactive”. Until then, here’s to hoping their next project is less of a train wreck.
Since 2007, Gamescrap has brought you the the worst video games, game commercials, game merchandise, and gaming moments ever to grace the industry. No matter if it's a beloved classic or the next hot thing, no bad game is safe from the red pen of Gamescrap.
