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While the adult movie industry is the most gosh darn money-makin-est industry out there, adult themes have had some rocky transitions to other mediums, namely video games. It seems that anytime an adult game is unleashed on the PC or a console, the experience is never, eeeeeeeever good. Things will either end up in one of two ways: the game is shallow as hell and gets boring within the first thirty minutes, or worse, you’re faced with digging through hours of juvenile humor just to catch a glimpse of some blurry 3D polygonal boob. In the end, it becomes pretty damn clear that while these games are rated “Adults Only”, it’s apparent that you’d have to be either twelve years old or some sort of virgin Renaissance Fair worker to get any kind of enjoyment out of them. This week’s game manages somehow to do both without the huge payoff in return. Allow me introduce you, fair reader, to “7 Sins”.

While crab fishing might be the world’s deadliest job, Deadliest Catch: Alaskan Storm does a great job of turning what can be considered an intense and demanding experience into a fine slurry of tedium with a god amount of boredom sluiced in, and that’s just for starters. After playing the game seemingly for weeks, it’s hard to really know what the developers were aiming for here. Is it a crab fishing sim? Maybe an exaggerated, arcade style take on the prestigious crab fishing industry as a whole? Hell no. Alaskan Storm can amount to what can be considered mind numbing, slightly hypnotic assembly work. Forget your Halos and your Killzones kids; it’s time to take the mantle of the world’s most exiting vehicle of destruction: a 48-foot crab fishing boat! Yeeeeee-haw!

For those who may not be privy enough to have caught the show while they were snowed in over a weekend, the show follows a handful of crews with embedded cameramen as they brave the Bering Sea in search of crab. I’ve always drawn similarities between fans of the show and NASCAR fans. They’re not into the show for the love of seeing who catches the most crab, it’s all about who’s going to go overboard or be killed off. While the show does a great job of casting doubt as to the fate of each crewmember before every commercial break, Alaskan Storm seriously fucks the formula up. If you come into this game with a hard on for danger and excitement, Alaskan Storm will only leave you flaccid and doubting whether you can trust another game again.